I had a dream last night.

I dreamt that we got a few new dogs at home, but upon closer scrutiny, I realised they were all my dogs who passed away at certain points in time.

I remember seeing Jack, my old pitbull terrier. Except, he wasn’t so old in my dream; he’s this happy young thing with soft, black, curly fur. I remember seeing Dopey too, who always rested his head on my shoulders when I carried him as a puppy, except he’s he’s all big and strong in my dream. I remember seeing another white dog, who could have been Labra, who is the mummy to the current 2 dogs at home.

It’s really odd, this dream. I didnt think about them in the previous night, and the dream came out from nowhere. Maybe it’s all of them telling me that they’re okay, and that they’re in a happy place.

On another note, everytime I look at Datou, I couldnt believe how long we’ve been by each other’s side. It’s 13 long years. He’s really something special. He knows when I’m down, and he’ll stay by my side. It’s a solid, calming, unwavering presence.

When trying becomes futile

You know how I hate undue judgements.

As much as I understand how judgements are inevitable, but bottomline: I still hate undue judgements; especially if the person being judged is me.

Hard as I try to make people understand the rationale behind some of my actions, I still get judged. Unfairly, as I’d like to think. It hurts when you realise all your efforts in trying to avoid judgements either went down the drain, or backfired on you. It hurts when your efforts in trying to have transparent communication turn into a source for judgements. Against yourself.

I tried so hard; and yet, I get doubted for my commitment.

At the end of the day, there comes to a point when you ask yourself, “what for?”
There comes a point in time when you’re just too.. defeated to try communicating anymore.