HAHA.

Nic’s nickname has proven itself.

Pursuit.

“It hurts to grow. Anyone who tells you it doesn’t, is lying.”
-Grey’s Anatomy

Life is complex. There’s no two-way about it. And I’m beginning to understand it a little bit more.

What I used to perceive as life in happily-ever-after is becoming a distant imagination.
What I used to think of as mutually exclusive emotions have proven themselves to be capable of co-existing. Warm, fuzzy happiness and deep, gut-wrenching sadness – how does one feel both emotions at the same time?

With loss comes new beginnings. Perhaps we’ve always been learning to embrace that.

I’ve lost faith in many things, but I know there’s a glimmer of hope deep within me when I sometimes catch myself wishing that my childly fairytale dreams will come true.

Happiness – an eternal pursuit?

Change.

A change has got to come.

Because in this world, change is the only constant.

Ride it out

“Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals.
There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn’t let up.
Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can’t outrun it and life always makes more.”
- Grey’s Anatomy

I’m riding.

Sing a new song, chiquitita

Courtesy of Mamma Mia! Official website

It was a scene when Donna saw her 3 old summer flings, and got so emotional that she ran crying to the toilet. Her 2 girlfriends, then, rushed in her wake. Upon hearing her heartbreaking sobs, they sang her this song.

Chiquitita, tell me whats wrong
Youre enchained by your own sorrow
In your eyes there is no hope for tomorrow
How I hate to see you like this
There is no way you can deny it
I can see that youre oh so sad, so quiet

Chiquitita, tell me the truth
Im a shoulder you can cry on
Your best friend, Im the one you must rely on
You were always sure of yourself
Now I see youve broken a feather
I hope we can patch it up together
-ABBA, Mamma Mia Movie, Chiquitita

Watching that scene made me tear, because I am, too, lucky enough to have girl friends who are with me no matter what happens. I could feel the strength of the support the girl friends have for Donna, and I felt the same rush of gratitude.

Girl friends who aren’t unfamiliar with my tears; who aren’t unfamiliar with my stories; who remain listening even though they’ve heard the same sadness a thousand times over.

My pillars of strength when strength fails me;
My eyes when I couldn’t see;
My shoulders for me to cry on.

Thank you girlies. (=

How I long to be trapped in the innocence of childhood, where life is really just about play and laughter, and crying over trivial matters like balloons bursting.

Despite all the sayings of heaven making rainbows and the silver lining in clouds, I think I’m slowly walking into harsh reality.

I remember writing, and saying that I dont want to grow up. It seems like grown-ups go through alot of pain in their lives. I know, the way to go is to face up with reality, go through with pain, and let it make you a stronger person. That’s the motivational way of saying. But when pain consumes you, it consumes you. And it feels like.. all the life is snatched out of you and it makes you say that you’re too tired to fight too many times.

There’re tears; surrenders to emotional exhaustion; and you question why humans are made to allow such complex emotions. The road to recovery; to that speckle of happiness, is no joy-ride. Maybe that’s what makes happiness so golden.

wtf.

The prof in marketing research was going on and on and on about regression model.. and what not.

And there I was, writing this in my notes.